Don't Cry for me Petawawa

2006-12-06T11:05:00.000-05:00

Long Time Gone
I got my mojo back . . .

What a week! Between rampant snowstorms, snowblower assembly, a car with a dead battery, a flat tire, tree festivals, illness, birthdays, and a triumphant return - needless to say I'm pooped. So instead of a rambling post. . . how about pictures of the kid (you know you wanna).

If there was ever a doubt that this girl is my daughter it will be gone once you see these. (I might add, she donned this look by herself, and started strutting her stuff all Jane Fonda for me and the camera - *sniff* I was so proud)

Lets get Physical!

What?? the DJ doesn't have Warrant. . .Lame

You can Dance if you want to.

2006-10-24T17:41:00.000-04:00

Seriously . . . I Love the Valley!!!
Does it get any better than this?

2006-09-29T10:57:00.000-04:00

Top Ten Reasons why I wish I had a Longer Neck

I would no longer feel insufficient when I watch America's next top model. . . wait who am I kidding, but I would be able to better replicate 'more neck'

Profile photos of me would show some definition

No matter what my weight I can always make a double chin.

I could move on from the issue and focus my thoughts on real issues like saving animals and feeding the poor. . .

I'm only thirty and already starting to signs that in a few years my neck will soon look like a Turkey

I wanna be Ashlee Simpson but rather than a new nose I can buy a longer neck.

I would have better posture, as it stands right now I hold my head improperly to appear like I have a more defined chin and a longer neck.

I could wear Turtlenecks without having to roll the neck under three times, and in this climate they are both practical and fashionable.

I could be a giraffe for Halloween

I could become an airline stewardess, as it stands right now the little neck scarves would look at best comical on me.

2006-09-24T23:31:00.000-04:00

Thank You ELMO!!!!
. . . fuzzy and red makes me cold hard green

Here's looking at Elmo and Ebay helping me pay down our debts one tickle at a time. I found a pro about living in Rural Ontario: people don't get supply and demand up here, so you can clean out a store, hawk them online, and reap the reward. I'd feel evil if I didn't know that's what everyone else was doing as well, nahhh I'd feel innovative.

2006-09-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

All the Good Stuff
. . . makes all the bad worth it

Well, now that I have the majority of this week out of my system (thanks mainly to the mammoth post yesterday), I felt it would be only fair to post about what I know y'all are more interested in anyway. . . the cute one. So I felt I had to share the best smug Mom moment I had today. We had to go into Ottawa for a doctors appointment (no worries just follow up on the neck thing). When we arrived there was some requisite waiting time, so she grabbed some toys, and started to do her thing. She grabbed this foamy number puzzle, and started to play with it, I asked her what the numbers were and she pulled out the 8 and said, eight, then the 1 and said it . . . and was doing a really good job getting most of them right. We have been working on her letters, numbers and colours mainly for the language skills, but in part to give her a head start on school and all that (because I'll be useless when the algebra comes home). Anyway, there's a mother and son sitting across the room, and I hear her say to him "and she's not even two, wow". Yup she's a freakin' genius, that's my girl. She constantly wows me with her development. I think that's the greatest thing about kids, whether they are smart or not, they are all geniuses. This week, she's been trying to get herself dressed, undressed (which involves the diaper so new floors will have to happen sooner than later in my house) and sentences (but she hasn't yet figured out connectors and possessives so they're like "Mommy car ride yes?" and "Ha ha puppy lick ear"). She's awesome.
Okay enough yap.... here's a pic.

See Heather it starts early. . .

2006-09-09T20:29:00.000-04:00

The Renfrew Fair!!!
. . . wading through the cow patties to good times

Gourmet eats!

Bacon on a bun? That's the best they could come up with?
The Kamikaze Carousel (either I have reached a new low, or that thing was going way too fast. . . by the end I was a little green).
Animals!
This one is for you Diana!

And the mandatory trip to the whee after ( I swear she had more fun here, but isn't that usually the case?)

2006-09-02T23:00:00.000-04:00

A Trip to Storyland!!!
. . . let the inappropriate fun ensue

I have learned to lower certain expectations since I have been living here in the Valley such as: I don't expect customer service from anyone, most people decorate their homes as if it were still 1992 (and that is being generous) etc. . . . So when I came up with the grand plan to visit a local 'theme park' I can tell you I wasn't expecting much. Today, I felt the need to get out and do something, as it is a long weekend and all, so off to Storyland we went. There are basically two options around here, the first is Logos Land and well, its kinda religious (the main building is an ark) so it didn't appeal to me, but Storyland promised a gay old romp through favourite childhood stories, paddle boats, petting zoo and a bouncy room (to which I was disappointed upon arrival to find a big sign that said no adults) so we went.

As any good mother does, I toted along the camera, to capture the moments, and of course (as my suspicions would later be confirmed) anything that could be construed as remotely inappropriate. Here's some of the pics. . . enjoy!!

Mommy? Why did you take me to this crazy place?

Oh! I get it there's stuff here like

slides,

things to ride,

and animals.

But Mommy?

Why does Jack look so confused?

Is it because of what Jill is doing to that tree?

The lovers spat at Snow White's Place?

Or is he mad about The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood?

2006-09-02T00:00:00.000-04:00

Dinner for Two

This evening I thought it would be nice to go out for dinner, as its a great time killer, and it doesn't involve any dishes. As miss B is at that tender age where waiting is simply not an option, I opted for fast food. So we headed to the only reasonably healthy option, that also serve the best onion rings in town (I know but I think it adds to the complexity of my character) the Swiss Chalet-Harveys. What I forgot, is that its Fiddle-Fest in Pembroke. To sum up Fritter-Fest, oh I mean Fiddle-Fest its this labour day weekend festival of fiddling and step-dancing, (some of you may recall the story about the guy with the spoons last year), and besides the added conjestion on the one main strip, the speed limit goes down an additional 10 clicks simply because of the age of the drivers. I mean you never know, a rampant moose might come out and put a dent in their 6 billion foot long Winnebago.

Anyway, I forgot that the aged tend to enjoy this kind of fare as well. I haven't felt so out of place in a restaurant in a very long time. So as it turns out, my attempt at 'fast food' was thwarted considerably by the clientele. Don't get me wrong, I understand that as we age, certain things slow down. That's not really what my concern is, for people who are in town for a good ol' fashioned, hip smacking, foot stompin', screw the neighbour's donkey kind of time, it sure takes some of them a long time to decide if they want ketchup and mustard on their burger.

2006-09-01T21:30:00.000-04:00

I'm the best Mommy ever!

. . . it came from the deep

We had a rather exciting day today that, of course, involved a trip to the 'whee' (park for the non-fluent in Brooklynn). Once home, it was clear that she needed a bath. So we got everything prepped, and away she went. Unlike usual, I decided to grab my copy of What To Expect for Toddlers. I find these books are great, not so much for their information, but more because they help relieve some of the mommy-guilt and in Miss B's case, she already appears to be excelling above the class (no pressure right?). I found myself completely engrossed in this bit about penis-envy and a 2 year old (maybe Freud was onto something).

Despite the fact that I was keeping an eye on her, I apparently wasn't paying enough attention because when I looked up I found a nice surprise in the tub for me. I'm sure you can all guess what the 'surprise' was by this point in time, but let me say, don't ever, I repeat, EVER attempt to retrieve floating poop with toilet paper. It turns out that its a little too absorbent. I'm sure the flies, that seem to have taken up residence, on my walls were laughing as I hoisted a wet, naked baby out of the tub, started to drain the water and grabbed the closest thing to me to retrieve my present, meanwhile Miss B is running around the house (I'm free!!!) and I'm stuck with a shitty hand and tub to clean before she has a chance to pee on the floor somewhere else in the house. Kind of like that game on the Price is Right where the people had like 45 seconds to get the right prices on four 'fabulous gifts' (if memory serves me correctly one of these was almost always a brass chef's rack).

I'm not sure at this point in time if the gods were trying to tell me what kind of parenting job I am doing, or if it was just one of those delightfully ironic parental moments. Nonetheless, this one is being stored in the memory banks just in case the right opportunity for embarrassment should arise when she's older.